Gratitude

 My workplace has this web subscription called BetterUp, that I peruse about once a week. Today my assignment was on the topic of cultivating gratitude. 

I was pleased to see that I am actually kind of good at one of the areas that was suggested. I am often able to find the strengths possessed by the people that I like least in the world, which allows me to feel some empathy toward them. Although it is sometimes hard to give credit to those who have harmed or wronged me in some way, it is comforting to know that we all have something to bring to the table for the greater good.

An area that I have been struggling with lately is gratitude for the crappy situations that have lead me to where I am right now. I go through cycles where I brood over things that I absolutely cannot change, and as much as I wish I had responded differently (to the improvement or detriment of the situations) there is really nothing that I can do about it. Sometimes I feel ill at ease with these things, and sometimes they still really upset me. 

What BetterUp suggests is that you look at those dumpster fires and be grateful for them, because without them, you wouldn't be where you are now. It's a hard thing to do, but it rings very true to me right now! I really love my job, and although I miss my students and my summers, I think I am where I need to be. I am enjoying the process of making connections and lending my experience to support the health of my community. It feels good to be regularly praised by my peers and supervisors for my contributions, and to offer that support in return. I feel included here. The social and societal pressure of being a professional educator does not weigh on me as heavily here. There are opportunities for me to grow and make professional moves with greater ease here. I feel fairly treated and compensated here. I am grateful for these things.

I think sometimes I feel a little bit guilty, because I left behind something that at one time I truly loved. There are still people that I greatly admire practicing a career that I need a real breather from. At one point in time I joked about never leaving my original sixth grade position until death do we part... but everything changes, and maybe the real message is supposed to be that for better or worse, almost everything happens for a reason.